MAHARACIALTIR,I DID FOR MY RACE MALAY,AGAINST A MALAY(FAKE CHARGES) FOR THE MALAYS SODOMY IS FAMOUS WORDWIDE

COCKENBLOCKMAHARACIALTIR FROM KERALA,ROSAMA,SAIFULL, ASSNAZ MUSA.SINDIPATEL,BOTAK HAMEED LEADING ROLE

Raises hand to strike saifull, refrains, bites fingers again, in a state of pure frustration) That’s it! To maintain civility, and to not beat thee down with my man-handle, I shall instead take my wrath out on an innocent, nonsensical, stereotypical ROSMA.

Goes to front stage, starts talking to audience.

Are there any innocent, nonsensical, stereotypical heathens in the audience? (Looks around) I repeat, I have need of a SAIFULL or two.

Planted SAIFULL schlep, SAIFULnumber 1, hesitantly raises hand.

COCKENBLOCK

(Very graciously) Oh, most excellent. Thank you for thy gracious assistance Assnas. Move thy constantly ravaged bottom double quick and bring the heathen center stage.

ASSNAZ jumps into audience, drags SAIFULL onto stage.

COCKENBLOCK

(Very slowly, trying best to assuage a growing temper). Now, listen, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear MAHARACIALTIR. Simple, kind hearted ASSNAS. Good, nice, decent SAIFUL. Please, for all that’s holy and pure, please tell me about the tSODOMY. If you do not, I will be forced to beat this SAIFULL.

SAIFULLhears this and suddenly raises his eyebrows. Becomes afraid, starts mumbling in heathen talk; tries to escape, yet forced to stand.

Thank you, kind, dear, savage SAIFULL for letting us assail thy naked body. You are a man for others – truly MUSLIN.

SAIFULL starts to freak out really bad.

COCKENBLOCK

All right, here begin-eth the questionnaire. Regarding the SODAMY

(The rest of this action scene and dialogue is very over the top, fast and exaggerated.)

COCKENBLOCKMAHARACIALTIR FROM KERALA

(Smiling) The ass.

Cockenblock suddenly whips the SAIFUL.

SAIFUL

AHHHH!!!!

COCKENBLOCKMAHARACIALTIR FROM KERALA

(Incensed, eyeballs about to explode) Refrain from uttering ass!!!

MAHARACIALTIR

(Enlightened…raises index finger) The donkey!

MAHARACIALTIR

(SAIFULLis whipped again) AHHHH!!!

ASSNAZ

Screw the donkey, talk to us of the SODOMY! The Gold!!!

ASSNAZ

I don’t screw donkey. I like ass though (Smiles a perverted grin.)

MAHARACIALTIR

(SAIFULL is whipped again) AHHHH!!!

COCKENBLOCK

(Crying, pleading) For the love of St. Peter, come out with it! Where did you place YOUR DICK

(In pain, suddenly starts speaking in the most broken of English) For love of – God- Tell him – SODOMY- where? Please (Starts crying)

ASSNAS

(Smiling) First, I must ejaculate.

Cockenblock goes nuts on the whipping; SAIFULLscreaming. ASNASS removes SAIFULL and places him back in the audience where he remains until the end of the play tending his wounds.

COCKENBLOCK

That was to no avail – but quite fun nonetheless. Dear Vienerschneitz, I believeth we must resort to the archaic practice of SODOMY.

ROSMAMA

(Gasps, holds fingers to lips) Muh – Muh – MAHARACIALISM?

COCKENBLOCK

NO NAJIBISM

ROSMAMA

BODOHWEEISM?

COCKENBLOCK

I prefereth Little Caesars, but whatever you fancy. (Goes back to the audience)Ahem, is there a wizard we may borrow? I repeat a man trained in wizardry? May he step forward?

Planted schlep looks around, with trepidation raises hand

MAHARACIALTIR

I- I was trained in SODOMY.

MUSA

You, sir, yes, please, you will do.

SINDIPATEH

(Puts on his blue SODOMY hat, which appears out of nowhere) The name is (Looks around only like a pimp daddy can and says -) SAIFULL! Now, I take it that you kids need to know what’s the dilly-yo with this retard here and his donkey.

BOTAKHAMEED

(Quietly in an aside to the MAHARACIAL) Pssst! Please talk in the vernacular of your present company!

MAHARACIALTIR

(Annoyed) Yeah, yeah, whatever, shut up little prick. Ok, ok. Fine. (Now changes his demeanor and tone and becomes pretentious, British aristocrat) Hark, hark! Trouble breweth in these here quarters. Let me find the maidenhead of thy worries and assuage them with my alchemy. I shall chant an incantation that shall solve the riddle of the taxes.

Starts doing a complete nonsense dance, goes around the stage, mumbles nonsense, and then dramatically blows on donkey.

Donkey suddenly rises and becomes bipedal, stand erects, wipes dust off himself, and randomly takes out a monocle and wears it. Everyone else is astonished and shocked.

COCKENBLOCK AND HAMEEDBOTAK

THE ASS!,DNA

Correction: the RIDWAN TRANSPANT DNA ROOM 618!

MUSA

Speak thy tale, ass. And tell us of the malady regarding the SODOMY

MAHRACIALTIR

(MAHARACIAL clears throat then says in a very articulate, eloquent speech) Hear me, Sirrah! First, address me by my proper title SirKERALASNAKE.

hameedbotak

Proceed Sir akaeralasnake.

SIR Keralasnake

I am an ass who belongeth to the property of Conchita of Chiquita, the Spanish Butterfly who is also the local gay.

Conchita the Gay randomly enters from stage left, smiles, waves, giddily bounces up and down, and exits stage right.

Gerf, here, returning from his sodomy promotion duties found me enticing so he offereth to trade the ducats for my ass. Which he did. And voila, je ne sais quoi, but here I am.

Hameedbotak

I like asses.

Rosmama

Boo ya, baby! My job here is done.

Saifull

Wait, wait, me sodomy! What of me sodomy I don’t want a trodden ass in lieu of my ducats!!!

MUSA

Our MALAY PRIDE

COCKENBLOCK

Verily!

SIDIPATEL

Truly!

COCKENBLOCK

Monetarily! Hark, what are we to do? Is this justice? Is this truth? Have my loins been soiled yet?? (Looks downward at his pants and checks) They have not!

MUSA

Neither have mine!

COCKENBLOCK

Nor mine

SIR KERALASNAKE

(Looks down) I can finally see my balls! Nor mine!

SAIFULL

Uh oh. Mine have.

(Everyone starts laughing)

Not funny. Gerf soiled himself STICKING BATTON (The BACKof his pants are all wet. The Actor can slyly turn around and pour some water from glass when no one pays attention and then turn around).

Everyone still laughing.

WAH WAH WAH!!! (Hits SAIFULLover head, slaps him, then does Three Stooges nose slap).

ROSMAMA

OW! SAIFULL no like! SAIFULLwill ejaculate his pain through a dance!

ROMAMA starts doing a jig. Wizard starts doing a cheesy, belly button napkin magic trick.

COCKENBLOCK

HA HA HA. Oh, to hell with the SODOMY, to hell with the ducats! God bless the ass! God bless Gerf! God bless everyone!

Everyone now erupts in a joyous, mirthful dance and jig.

The Moorish Jester enters from stage right. Everyone freezes as if someone hit the pause button. Their faces giddy and in weird mid-dance. Jesters looks at everyone, confused, perplexed.

ROSMAMA

(Pause). God bless the ass. God bless the ass indeed. For if it was not for the as, our two noblemen would have never learned the true lessons of life and of this tale: that tis better to whip a heathen and dance a jig than soil thyself in thy own cod. I bid you Adieu. (Jigs off.)

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