Dr M: Why this Tulukachi di? should quit before getting chased out

Dr M: Shahrizat should quit before getting chased out

Conflict is an inevitable and positive force in any relationship, provided you fight fair!

Dr M: Shahrizat should quit before getting chased out

Former prime minister Mahathir Mohamad today advised embattled Wanita Umno chief Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, saddled with the National Feedlot Corporation (NFC) scandal, to know when one should step down.

Do you sometimes find yourself planning out a fight or an argument? As in, actually enjoying playing it out in your mind? Or, even starting off one? Watching my cousin dial a number, an anticipatory gleam in her eyes, I asked what she was planning. The smile turned to a grin as she put down the phone and turned to me. “I am looking forward to pulling up my friend the moment she cuts in on my conversation and starts talking of her own problems.” “But how do you know she will do so and even if she does, why should you get upset,” I asked. “Because every time I call her to share a problem, she simultaneously starts talking of her own problems without sympathising with me,” exclaimed my cousin indignantly. “So today I have decided the moment she does this, I will give her a piece of my mind…” She picked up the phone again, the intense look back! 

Strange, I thought. My cousin was not just spoiling for a fight, but actually creating the circumstances for it! She seemed to be looking forward to a fracas. Well, it is certainly one way to alleviate boredom and get the juices flowing! Sometimes it does help to let off steam a bit so that we don’t stew in boredom and the sameness of every day. Even amongst couples it is good to once in a while stir up the waters and allow a churning and unsettling in the day-to-day inertia, thus allowing a flow of fresh energy. Studies reveal that a good fight with your partner is not just healthy for the relationship, but for you as well. Anger is an intense and honest emotion; it burns and cleanses. However, in order to help strengthen bonds, the anger has to be released rather than bottled up. And the fight must be a fair one between equals.

The worst thing one can do to a relationship is to make it a constant bickering process, where each assigns oneself the task of improving the other. One starts looking for opportunities, even tries deliberately tripping the other person in order to create a situation where he/ she can lecture the friend/spouse, or say I-told-you-so! Though a fair fight once in a while is good, what is critical is how you deal with the situation when conflict arises. Not dealing with conflict can be as harmful to you and the relationship as dealing with it in an unfair outburst. Conflict then is essential in any relationship; in fact any good relationship is built on dealing with that conflict by laying down rules and setting boundaries. It is only once those limits are established and accepted that a relationship can grow as comfortable and easy as an old shoe! It helps to get conflict out of the system — a good old fight and saying it like it deserves to be said is important sometimes.

When the time is right, you do need to step up to that colleague and tell him where to get off. You do sometimes need to take a stand and let a spouse know how you really feel and what you would like him/her to do to make you feel better about yourself and the relationship. It helps if you ensure that the fight doesn’t seem like it is you vs. your spouse or friend. It should be an argument that helps preserve the relationship, not destroy one of you at the cost of the other! Be fair and try to take part of the blame on yourself; that makes it easier for the other person to accept his part in the blame as well. Threats and namecalling are a no-no, whereas expressing your feelings is the way to go! It is important to know when to call a halt. If you feel the argument is deteriorating into a blame game, rather than taking a positive direction reschedule the discussion when tempers are down and both of you have had the opportunity to rethink the situation. Often it helps to just state the issue and give each other time to absorb it before coming to the table for discussion. If you are really, really angry, it may help to let off steam in some other way before confronting each other. Suppressing anger increases risk of high blood pressure and heart problems. When you put a cap on the emotion, it also helps build up resentment and so puts a strain on the relationship.

A study of 192 US couples over a period of 17 years by author Ernest Harburg of the University of Michigan proved the importance of a good fight for a person’s health. It proved that couples who suppressed their anger have a mortality rate twice as high as those in which at least one partner stands up for himself or herself. So, conflict and anger, far from being the dark side of a relationship, help set the basis for it by enabling us to find our comfort zones with each other.

 DAP proposed today open tenders for government procurements and a ban on political parties’ involvement in business, as a way to address the country’s graft problem.

DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng said political parties should be barred from businesses to avoid conflicts of interest.

“How can politics mix with business as the former seeks to uphold public interests whereas the latter is to pursue private benefit and profit?

“How wealthy political parties that are involved in business have become, can be seen by MCA giving money to its members every year,” he said in a statement.

Lim also proposed a universal adoption of open tenders to “check crony capitalism”.

“An open tender system ensures that unjust contracts such as [those involving] the independent power producers and the toll concession operators do not benefit the few with tens of billions of ringgit in extraordinary profits at the expense of the 27 million ordinary citizens.

“The shocking losses in the RM5 billion Perwaja scandal, Port Klang Free Zone (PKFZ) scandal and the RM52 billion [in Bumiputera-held] shares all add up to more than US$ 100 billion estimated to be lost by Malaysians from corrupt or financial malpractices,” he said.

The Penang chief minister also said access to non-confidential information should be protected under a freedom of information law to ensure transparency, before adding that public officials should declare their personal assets.

The Bagan MP also said the Elections Commission (EC) must be punished for failing to pursue allegations of election bribery, and non-compliance with the Election Offences Act 1954, which imposes campaign spending limits of RM200,000 for every parliamentary constituency and RM100,000 for every state seat.

Alluding to the co-mingling of business and political funds, Lim pointed out the exorbitant sums expended by the ruling Barisan Nasional coalition during past elections.

“So blatant is this election spending limits rule violated that the Election Commission had admitted that RM 110 million was spent on election posters alone in the 2004 general election.

“With 219 parliamentary seats and 445 state seats contested in the 2004 general elections, the election spending limits is a maximum of RM 88.3 million.

“Clearly only BN can afford to spend RM110 million on election posters in the 2004 general election. And yet despite this astonishing self-revelation and admission by BN, no action was taken by the EC,” he said.

Lim’s proposals follow Transparency International Malaysia (TI-M)’s call for the government to adopt measures outlined in the UN Convention Against Corruption (UNCAC) to clamp down on graft.

TI-M had said it was disappointed Putrajaya has shown little political will to carry out the initiatives and measures outlined in the convention, which Malaysia ratified in 2008.

Malaysia’s Corruption Perception Index (CPI) dropped for the third year running — slipping to 4.3 this year — leaving it in 60th place out of 183 countries, compared with 37th when Tun Abdullah Ahmad Badawi took over as prime minister in 2003.

Malaysia’s country ranking fell to 60 out of 183 countries from 56 out of 178 last year, despite the Najib administration’s pledge to roll back corruption.

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