Friendship, like many other things in life, can have an expiration date. There are some friends who stay with you for your whole life but there are also many friends who come into your life and are part of it only for a certain amount of time.
Through our lives, we grow and change. Ideally, our friends will grow and change with us. As we mature, we develop different attitudes and different needs.
Some things that we considered necessities in the past become things we can do without in the present; some behaviours, political views or religious affiliations that we could accept before become deal breakers, today.
We realize that some people act in ways which didn't bother us so much when we were younger, but now these behaviors have become intolerable.
As we grow stronger, healthier and more conscious, we begin to see all of our relationships much more clearly. We identify the friends whose values we once shared but who we see today as just too different from us.
Sometimes we simply grow apart as we make life choices which put us in different social or economic circles. Some people choose a more traditional lifestyle while others opt for a bohemian way of life.
If we're middle-class and our friend has become wealthy through inheritance, career or marriage, it might complicate our relationship unless both of us are able to handle this potentially tricky situation.
In London: Anwar came, saw, conquered
by Mariam Mokhtar @www.malaysiakini.com
Looking at Anwar Ibrahim, the Opposition Leader, deliver his talk, one would never have guessed that he was hounded by the BN government, on a list of trumped-up charges as long as his arm.
He was witty and informative when engaging with the audience; brutal and incisive when mocking Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak’s administration.
Anwar (right) recently gave a speech at University College London (UCL), entitled ‘The Struggle for Justice and Democracy in Malaysia’.He won over the crowd, who were mainly Malaysians studying or working in England.Anwar has universal acclaim and the ‘mat salleh’ who were present can’t have attended just because they were curious to see the man whom BN has portrayed as a raving sex maniac, who can’t have enough of women, or men.
For a man whose private life has been paraded around the world with the farcical Sodomy I and II trials, and Sex Videos I and II, Anwar did not look like a condemned person.
With steely determination, he told the crowd that he has vowed to clear his name, restore his family’s reputation and defend his honour. BN painted Anwar as a sexual deviant and lined people up to reveal sordid allegations about him. If true, then Anwar should have felt at home in Soho, the racy red light area with its gay bars, porn-shops and fallen women, close to UCL. But a sexual lunatic he is not.
No compromise
Anwar who is famed for his skill as an orator, talked passionately about Pakatan’s policies, its budget and his vision of a Malaysia that will be shaped by its youth.
He was adamant that the new Malaysia should be governed with transparency, accountability, and where the corrupt would be punished. He offered no compromise on his party’s multiracial policy.
He told the students that they were responsible for determining Malaysia’s future. He said: “Everyone is born to be free. Freedom cannot be negotiated.” He cajoled and persuaded them: “You must make a stand and exercise your rights….” He challenged them: “You must learn to ask questions….”, and warned them that Najib’s administration feared the truth.He criticised Najib’s performance at ‘Prime Minister’s question time’ in Parliament: “I asked him repeatedly, when the ISA will be abolished. I wanted an undertaking that GE-13 would not be conducted before reforms were implemented…. Najib simply smiled. He was unresponsive….. It was like having a dialogue with the deaf….. Why bother calling it ‘question time’?”
He questioned the conduct of parliamentarians when he quizzed BN about the fund meant to help poor farmers, which was pocketed by BN cronies: “There was a collective silence.”
He castigated former Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad (right), whom he has forgiven for sending him to jail: “He (Mahathir) levelled charges of sodomy against me because this is taboo with the rural Malays.”He mocked the religious hypocrisy of the BN elite: “Mahathir’s son bought RM2.9 billion of San Miguel shares but one Malay girl had her life torn apart and was herself almost whipped for a glass of beer.”
With humility he told the audience: “You may listen to me and choose to agree or disagree with me. Or you can support UMNO. It is your right. There is no denying it.”
And he injected a bit of comedy in his talk: “For 13 years, BN and the Malaysian media have hounded me, except for three days last Hari Raya…….I had a three day break when they focused on Mat Sabu of PAS.”
The Malaysians had travelled from the East Midlands, Shropshire and the North-East, and the majority were students, from colleges and universities in and around London. Expat Malaysians, concerned about the unpredictable political landscape, came to hear the latest developments.
The talk was at times depressing, particularly the part about BN being prepared to cheat, to ‘win’ GE-13. There remained one glimmer of hope; the large presence of Malay students in the audience.
For years, the Malaysian government actively discriminated against Malay students. A culture of fear was promoted by the Malaysian high commissions and embassies around the world.
Consequently, Malay students distanced themselves from such talks. Malays are deliberately singled out by BN to keep them ignorant. To keep them from learning. And to keep them from being exposed to other cultures, races and thinking patterns.
Dangerous Malay
A knowledgeable Malay is dangerous. BN knows that a questioning Malay would ultimately lead to BN’s demise. One individual can be silenced. But many?
BN treats the Malay like a semi-literate and a slave. Its brainwashing technique has been perfected so that the Malay mind is trapped by his imaginary tempurung, wherever he is in the world.
If we want a better Malaysia, the Malays must be brought into the loop. If we want to progress as a nation the Malays must contribute and share the limelight.
UMNO’s propaganda is based on fear and warns of a threat to Malay survival. BN claims Anwar will sell Malaysia to the non-Malays and that Pakatan is controlled by the Chinese. What BN really meant was that their own survival was in danger.
The Malay elite is at liberty to be open-minded but he subjugates his poorer Malay cousin. The elite cream off the best in life, but leave others destitute. In effect, Malaysia has been ‘stolen’ by its corrupt Malay leaders.
Warning letters
Informed sources allege that the modus operandi of the consulate officials is to warn Malaysian students to stay away from these ‘opposition’ lectures.
Sometimes, the Malaysian embassy sends out ‘warning’ letters. But as Anwar related, deans of Indonesian and American universities have cautioned the embassies, and threatened reprisals if this practice were to continue.
Some allege that agents of the government masquerade as students, to spy, as they move in student circles.
Most government scholarship holders are Malays, and many come from poor backgrounds. Only the brazen few or privately financed students will attend ‘opposition’ lectures.
The majority stay away for fear of losing their funding. They fear the shame of terminating their studies. They fear the wrath of their families. They fear rejection by the community. But most of all, they fear missing the best chance to lift themselves and their families from poverty for a better future.
Isn’t it ironical that students stay away because they fear BN’s long reach? This emphasises the significance of Anwar’s speech ‘The Struggle for Justice and Democracy in Malaysia’.
Anwar’s proclamation which rang in everyone’s ears was: “With your help, and given fair and clean elections, Pakatan will form the next government.”
Anwar’s talk was oversubscribed and the huge presence of students, including many Malays, is heartening.
Perhaps the culture of fear which the Malaysian government tried to export to student populations overseas is vaporising. Perhaps Najib is not only losing his grip on the economy, but also on the students.
BN’s propaganda and emphasis on the sodomy trials, meant that many students were unaware that Anwar was once DPM or finance minister.Anwar’s talk was an eye-opener and many students responded positively. This generation of Malay youth wants a well-rounded education and refuses to be cowed by Putrajaya. Overseas, non-Malay students have never felt the crippling grip of the BN government.
Acquiring knowledge at universities around the world is one thing. But learning to live with freedom of expression, where basic human rights are not denied and where university professors are not suspended or sent live bullets in their mail, is a shallow learning curve for Malaysian students.
We can also get into conflicts or misunderstandings with an old friend. As we evolve and change, they might still be attached to seeing us a certain way. If they're unable to accept the new, more improved version of us, the friendship can't be sustained.
I've heard of a few instances where one person got married and their friend began acting funny around them. People get used to a particular dynamic and can be resistant to seeing it change.
If we've always been available at the drop of a hat and now have responsibilities and commitments associated with being a spouse, our friend may not be willing to accept this.
If our friend can't get over the fact that we're no longer at their beck and call, or if they become jealous of the affection we're giving our spouse, it may mean the end of the friendship.
Datuk K.S. Nallakaruppan, a former close aide of Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, has been appointed a senator by the Federal Government.
The Malaysian Indian United Party (MIUP) president, known as Anwar’s “tennis partner” at the time the former Deputy Prime Minister was charged with sodomy in 1998, told The Malaysian Insider today that he received his letter of appointment last week.
“I will be sworn in tomorrow,” he said, calling it “an honour” for the MIUP, which has pledged its
support to Barisan Nasional (BN). Nallakaruppan, popularly known as Nalla, is the second former close associate of Opposition Leader Anwar to be given a senatorship by BN.
support to Barisan Nasional (BN). Nallakaruppan, popularly known as Nalla, is the second former close associate of Opposition Leader Anwar to be given a senatorship by BN.The PKR de facto leader’s former political secretary Mohamad Ezam Mohd Nor was also made senator after rejoining UMNO in 2008.Both Mohamad Ezam and Nallakaruppan have been critical of Anwar since leaving PKR in 2007.
Nallakaruppan was said to be an asset to PKR ahead of the 2008 general election due to his financial clout as a director of several companies including gaming giant Magnum Corporation
(Datuk S. Nallakaruppan, bekas pengarah hal ehwal awam Magnum …. satu cubaan untuk memaksa bekas Pengarah Eksekutif Magnum Corporation … Kata Anwar: ”Bekas Ketua Polis Negara itu berkata orang ini lahir di Madras, Katanya: Lelaki India itu lahir di Madras, daripada miskin menjadi kaya …… bekas Pengarah Hal Ehwal Awam Magnum Corporation,
“He (Nallakaruppan) doesn’t have to reveal anything… We know who Nallakaruppan is,” PAS vice-president Datuk Dr Mahfuz Omar said.
Fifty years down the line, we have in the sub-continent Muslim … the form of collective hate, leading thousands of fanatic Sangh recruits to rape, plunder ….. 1980s, refer to the speeches made by Shiv Sena Supremo Bal Thackeray, recorded in the …. village level in Gujarat itself, to ‘infiltrate‘ schools of PAS
So no need to go to the trouble to reveal anything.”
Fellow party vice-president Salahuddin Ayub said he did not want to pay heed to Nallakaruppan’s “request”.
“We will not humour him,” he said.
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Then there are the so-called "frenemies." These are people who we thought were our friends when we were younger and less aware.
We were invested in being kind and understanding, so we made excuses for their bad behavior and put up with their unreasonableness.
As we grew older and wiser we were able to see that their jealousy, competitiveness, complaining and attempts at exploitation became tiresome.
Their demands for attention, frequent crises and most especially, their betrayals could no longer be explained away. Our growing consciousness made it clear to us that this person had to go.
So, whether it's because you've grown apart because you no longer share the same values or lifestyle, or because you realize that the friendship isn't giving you what you need ( and maybe never did), it's time to un-friend this person.
Ending a friendship can be done simply by not responding to phone calls, texts or emails and gently letting the person get the point, or it may require a 'breakup' conversation.
Sometimes the former is preferable, especially if the other person is likely to become very hurt or angry by such a conversation.
It's upsetting and embarrassing to be rejected, so if we do have the talk, we owe it to the person to be as kind as possible. On the other hand, we also owe it to ourselves not to get into a major conflict over a relationship that we no longer want.
If the person won't take a gentle hint, or if the breakup conversation results in their becoming demanding or aggressive or if they try to make us feel guilty, we can feel justified in cutting off the conversation with no further explanation.
Many of us are sentimental about our friendships and want to believe that they should all last a lifetime. We need to be realistic about the true nature of friendship.
While some friendships will be sustained for many years, even forever, many people in our lives will be there only for a certain period of time, and this is perfectly natural and acceptable.
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