Soi Lek tries to damage control but reveals MCA is just as keen to cheat as Umno
A buffoon has gate-crashed into cinema theatres across Kerala.
Have you got what it takes to be an Umno politician? Take the test and find out.
1. Your special advisor phones you claiming that his foreign girlfriend is demanding money. She threatens to expose him and his dealings with you. What do you advise him to do?
(a) Pay her the money and send her away.
(b) Send her a legal letter saying she is blackmailing your friend, and have her deported.
(c) Get your security police to take her away, shoot her twice in the face and blow up her body in the jungle.
d) Like a good party man, I will diligently seek advisement from my Prime Minister and FLOM. A winnable politician will cover all bases. Sailful did, no?
2. The opposition has won control in one of the states and you are anxious to wrest it back. How would you resolve this?
(a) Wait for the next general election and in the meantime work on winning over the public’s confidence.
(b) Find a copy of the opposition’s policies, improve on their ideas and then pass these new revised policies as your own party’s.
(c) With a suitcase full of money try and ‘persuade’ the person who confirms the appointment of the menteri besar, that your selected candidate is the best choice for the state.
(d) Visit all the frog farms aka depleted mining pools in Perak, select potential hoppers and send them to Chinese restaurants for complete annihilation.
3. You are losing the Malay vote and random surveys indicate that your party will lose in the upcoming general election. What will you do?
(a) Go on roadshows to the rural Malay heartlands and show them how your policies will change their lives for the better.
(b) Go on roadshows to the rural Malay heartlands and tell them that the opposition’s policies are rubbish
(c) Make three million Indonesian, Bangladeshi and Filipino migrant workers citizens of Malaysia, then give them jobs in exchange for their voting rights (to vote for your party).
(d) put these new citizens into New Villages for better control thereby creating another base for postal votes.
4. Your domineering wife aspires to be a politician and you fear she might do a better job than you. She is a determined lady and more importantly, wears the pants at home. What is your course of action?
(a) Tell her to get herself nominated like everyone else, and go through the usual motions of becoming an elected candidate
(b) Explain how hard you’ve worked, going on the road for ceramah and that you need her by your side for support
(c) Give her a suitably large diamond ring and enough Hermes Birkin bags to keep her distracted. Tell her the national airline is at her disposal to fly her on shopping trips abroad.
(d) Arbitrarily declare your wife as live President of COW (Club of Obedient Wives) thus rubbishing Phd sex which will not foster procreation in that chongkat “seeds will not get into the right holes” for successful fertilization (thanks Monyet King)
5. Your daughter is about to be engaged to the son of a powerful ‘don’ and you want to create a lasting impression. The only problem is that the ceremony is abroad and you do not want to appear to be stingy.
(a) You phone your prospective in-laws and say that you would prefer a quiet, modest ceremony attended by a few close members of the family.
(b) You inform your daughter that she ought to get a job first and work for a few years before setting up home.
(c) You arrange a trade delegation in the country where the ceremony is to be held and you fly your family and 500 close friends to attend the ceremony, on the pretext of attending an official function. You tell the taxpayers that they will be delighted to view the photos of this momentous occasion that you will post on Facebook.
(d) Coax Alex Ferguson to endorse thisManU(factured) coalition and be Guest of Honor at the high table.
6. The companies bidding for the tender of the multi-million ringgit road project have met your civil servants to discuss the details and specifications. What is your response?
(a) You do nothing but leave it to the technical experts to evaluate their proposals to award the contract to the most suitable bidder.
(b) You tell your office to keep you informed of the outcome because you want to show interest.
(c) You get your girlfriend to phone each of the companies and tell them that to ‘win’ the contract means a tidy sum of money upfront and a share of the profits, once the contract is awarded.
(d) Tell the contractors to go full steam ahead on condition that the tunnel does not pass under a VVIP’s mansion. It will be ok to skirt the mansion.
7. The Chinese have wised up, after 54 years of your party’s lies. You cannot trust them to deliver their votes. What do you do?
(a) Try and re-engage with them by visiting their communities and arranging talks with their business associations.
(b) Speak to Chinese colleagues in your party.
(c) Tell your staff to spread the word that the Chinese are pendatang and should return to their country of origin.
(d) As a winnable candidate, I will not waste time and resources courting the Chinese voters who have gone over to DAP and PAS. Two males and one female FROGS, all CHINESE is lesson enough.
8. Article 11 of the constitution ensures Malaysians the freedom of religion. Non-Muslims, are unhappy with temples being demolished and cemeteries being located beside sewage plants. How do you deal with this?
(a) Arrange to meet with the religious representatives to discuss an amicable solution.
(b) Set aside land for temples and cemeteries.
(c) Raid their dinner parties and then organise a march to protest about non-Muslims trying to proselytise the Muslims with the lure of a makan.
(d) This is of great import and as such I will seek the counsel of the Sultan of Perak’s mufti and Hasan Ali of PAS. No! Ibrahim Ali is anathema! This is about religion and not race.
9. What did your friends think of you at school?
(a) Hardworking and helpful
(b) Good at sports and a team-player
(c) A bully, a racist and a show-off
(d) To be a winnable candidate, a prerequisite is HONESTY! Those who know me know that most often I played truant. Those who are close to me know that I am a winnable lallang and have an innate instinct to play to win! Ask my estranged parents and siblings! Without a doubt they will certify this.
10. In your opinion, what qualities should a good politician have?
(a) Ability to listen and empathise
(b) Good at problem solving
(c) Ability to tell lies and put on two faces
(d) Run when the going is good. I don’t want to be like that Klang railway gatekeeper who built a mansion and died in 2008 without enjoying occupancy.
How did you do?
Mostly As: Oops. You are honest, fair and enterprising and should choose another profession.
Mostly Bs: Very good, but you haven’t got quite what it takes to be a politician. You need to brush up on your political awareness. In the meantime, you would make a good political adviser. Try again for GE14.
Mostly Cs: Congratulations! BN need look no further and Najib Abdul Razak will award you a nice shiny medal.
If you perform, there will be a mega-contract or two for being smart enough to know what is required of you, but dumb enough to think your political role is important.
( I will leave my Ds to Mariam’s wise judgement and assessment! Am I forgiven Mariam….forgive lah, I also Perak mali, Taiping lang and an eco-warrior too! HERE.)
+++++
Datuk Sak's contribution below
A Fresh Probe: Another Gauntlet for Anwar Ibrahim to run
by Terence Netto@www.malaysiakini.com
COMMENT: It seemed like a page from Kafka, that connoisseur of dread from sources mysterious, sinister and baffling.
Anwar Ibrahim, Opposition Leader and – to several quarters where preparations for the 13th general election are in high readiness – Prime Minister-in-waiting, was yesterday notified by the Police that they want to talk to him.
All of yesterday, rumours swirled of Parliament’s probable dissolution today, this being the numerically auspicious 11-11-11 day – a millennium’s rarity. Incidentally, the number 11 is bruited about as having the properties of a lucky charm to Prime Minister Najib Razak.
Numbers hold no significance, incantatory or totemic, to Anwar except of course – 112 – which is the total of seats the coalition he leads in Parliament will have to garner for him to present himself to the King as Malaysia’s 7th PM since independence.Seven, of course, is a portentous number in some religious traditions (there is no need to go into the reasons why it is so – this is religiously-sensitive nation, we have always to bear in mind).
In one sense in which 7 is a significant number – it connotes completion of task – it is resonant for the task connected with Anwar – bringing the now 13-year popular agitation for the country’s democratic restoration to fulfillment.
Another gauntlet for Anwar to run
Thus yesterday’s notice from the Police that they want to talk to him is seen as yet another jagged
edge in the gauntlet Anwar has had to run since 1998, seminal year of Malaysian political consciousness raising.
edge in the gauntlet Anwar has had to run since 1998, seminal year of Malaysian political consciousness raising.The Police, like the mysterious antagonists in Kafka’s tales, did not proffer information other than their intent to talk to Anwar.
“They didn’t say why they wanted to speak to him but it seems it’s in connection with some Police reports that were lodged,” was all that was offered by PKR vice-president and legal eagle N Surendran when contacted by Malaysiakini.
What was the subject of the police reports lodged, presumably against Anwar? “Don’t know,” was Surendran’s terse reply.Like some feral creature primed for counter measures upon sensing danger lurking in the near distance, a press advisory went out from PKR headquarters within hours of the Police notice to Anwar, saying that a press conference would be held later this morning.
The press advisory had no qualms about what the motive behind the police summons to Anwar was: intimidation.
PKR’s resident legal eagles, R Sivarasa and Surendran, will address the press. They are certain to be cogent on the impropriety of the police summons and caustic in their inferences on the schemes behind it.
Sinister force at workTo the morally fortified lacking in the buffers against state power, moral condemnation is the only weapon they have against the malign and capricious use of state power.
The more lacerating the rhetoric, the more cathartic the release from a Kafkaesque sense of a sinister force at work behind the scenes.
Malaysians have heard no less than the PM himself say several months ago that defeat for UMNO-BN is unimaginable in the 13th GE. In a democracy, even a flawed one, that is akin to saying that your vote does not count if the election does not result in the incumbent’s extension of tenure.
Few comments so starkly expose the folly of allowing a 54-year incumbency to last so long it warps the occupant’s hold on reality. That police summons to Anwar is indicative that the fragility of that grasp is not limited to selected quarters.
It is not necessary to rely on Lord Acton to recognise that power that is not transferred from one coalition to its competitor – as distinct from being slightly shuffled among its existing holders – is power that will be abused.
Given the dire portents, the 13th GE looms as the country’s make-or-break event of the post-independence era.
Santhosh Pandit, an anorexic replica of comedian Jonny lever, who runs like a frightened chameleon and dances like a broken broom stick, has become a rage among youngsters.
His movie, Radhayum Krishnanum (R&K) has everything that a movie should not have: bad casting, dialogues that will make you cringe and a storyline that will make you not to enter a movie hall for a long time. Yet, as soon as our hero-who wears many shirts to look fatter- appears on the screen, the whole theatre, a majority of them youngsters, erupts: they boo in excitement, cheer him, abuse him and step into the podium to dance with him.
The plot of R&K is worse than the any Bhojpuri movie made till date: John(Santhosh) marries a Hindu girl. He changes his name to Krishna to get accepted in the society. The couple undergoes many hardships, and to top it, John’s wife is molested by a local politician and she is murdered. The cruel society does not allow John to bury his wife’s body, and finally one Swamji buries the body. The movie ends with John marrying his part- time lover.
R&K has hit the nadir of Malayalam movie, which once upon a time excelled, in terms of originality of ideas and creativity. But what R&K did was a strip-tease, an unwrapping of a majority of B-grade Malayalam movies, slickly produced with no storyline. Ironically, when Hindi and Tamil movies are on the resurgence path, infused with original ideas and fresh talents, Malayalam movies have become unwatchable.
Superstars like Mohanlal and Mammootty are caught up in a time wrap, refusing to age, like mythical emperor Yayati. Mimicry artists turned actors like Jayaram and Dileep churn out routine slapstick and tragi-comedies, maybe a notch better than R&K.
Sixty year old Mammootty is currently shooting for a movie and his heroine is twenty six year old Kavya Madhavan, who acted as a child-artist in a Mammootty movie called Azhakiya Ravanan,15 years ago.
Mohanlal faces a similar predicament. A few years ago, when a sylphlike Meera Jasmine was trying to embrace a portly Mohanlal in a river-song sequence, someone in the theatre remarked nastily: look at the old man’s luck.
Age shows. No amount of haired- weaved pate, Mehndi -coloured hair or grey hair shaven chest can hide the natural process of degeneration of cells in your body. Though Mammootty is older than Mohanlal- who is much more gifted- it is the decline of Mohanlal, the actor, which has become more obvious in the last few years.
I used to be an unabashed Mohnanlal fan. But I cannot bear Lal’s antics anymore, be it in a re-cycled Priyadarshan or Sathyan Anthicad movie, where he tries to become younger and younger and delivers the same set of stale jokes. I cannot bear the sight of fifty year old Lal, sporting that artificially long hair, popping out like a pruned pine plant, trying to be a naughty thirty something heart-throb and girls twenty five years younger than him falling for him.
I prefer the balding and portly Lalettan(as we used to call him) who cared to hoots for his look, but acted his age with spontaneity and unbridled talent. I can still watch a movie like Keeridum( the original Gardish) where he is forced to turn into a gangster to save his father; in Gandhi Nagar second street as an unemployed youth who disguises himself as a Nepali to get a job of a guard; or in Padamudra, as a virile Papadam seller whose lust consumes him.
We, the younger generation, loved Lalettan, not for his looks, but for his anarchic and politically incorrect roles, be it in movies like Thuvanathumbikal where he helps his friend, a pimp, to understand the mind of a woman who wants to enter prostitution by sleeping with her; or in Dasharatham, as a filthy rich bachelor achayan, who does not value relationships, but loses out an emotional battle for his own surrogate child.
The Lal- Sreenivasan combination struck an emotional chord with Keralaites, as unemployment was a big issue till late eighties and UAE was the only option to make a decent living. So, in Nadodikaattu, Lal and his side kick Sreenivasan reaches Gulf, in an Arab’s attire, only to know that they have been cheated by a boatman who had taken them to Cheenai’s Marina beach.
Mamootty, at the end of the spectrum, was brilliant in his serious roles, be it in movies like Thaniavarthanam, Buthakannadi, and Oru Vadakkan Veeragaatha.
But somewhere along the way, the human greed to remain as superstars for ever, killed the acting capabilities of both these highly gifted actors. Over the years, unlike Amitabh Bachchan, they refuse to reinvent themselves and their action- movies became unwatchable, while young and agile actors like Prithviraj does it with ease and beauty.
A classic example was a movie like Pazhassi Raja, where Mammootty was unable to do justice to action scenes while Prithviraj excelled in Urmi, one of the few good action movies that came out in recent times.
Both Mohanlal and Mammootty should clear the podium for young talents, as their exorbitant fees have become commercially unviable for action movies and that is the biggest crisis that has hit the pint -sized Malayalam film industry.
Both these gifted artists should reinvent themselves, and do middle- aged, character roles. More importantly, they should become role models for the young (which include paying full income tax) and play the role of a friend, guide and philosopher to the hapless Malayalam film industry.
Or else, the average Malayalee will be forced to watch the second and third installment of Santhosh Pandit movies called Jaggu Bhai alias Chocolate Bhai, and Kalidasan Katha ezhtukayanu (Kalidasan begins to write a story).
Santhosh Pandit has already started believing that he is the actual re-incarnation of the great Kalidasa. Kaliyugum.
RELATED ARTICLE
Filth and Evil never ever changes – it can hide, camouflage itself, but will never deliver benefits. If you the rakyat votes in filth and evil, you deserve to get screwed (likely from the back after witnessing the penchant for posterior talents) UMNO’s self-fulfilling prophecy on ANWAR The situation is serious, certainly. it is being …Read more
No comments:
Post a Comment