Oh hell, looks like a hornet’s nest has been ruffled!

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Here are six secrets to a long-lasting relationship.Yes, relationships do last for years. Are you wondering how? How is it that two people are together, are true to each other and are in love for decades? Here are a few tips...- Be honest, always. This is a basic need for any relationship to survive. You just have to trust your partner and let him/her believe that they can trust you. Accept your partner as he/she is. Yes no one is perfect. Some of us are sloppy. Some of us are perpetually late, some are just too obsessive compulsive about things. You should just accept the person for who they are.- When you are wrong, admit it. Arguing that you are always right is not right at all. Be brave enough to admit you are not.- Talk about your problems to your partner. Sit down with your partner and talk about anything that is bothering you. This will strengthen your relationship and bring you together.- Be independently happy. Of course you love him/her. But you should not rely on your partner always for everything.Choose your arguments wisely. Yes, this holds in every relationship. Words can really hurt people and you should be very careful when you are arguing.The way you make me fee If we love those who make us feel good, isn't it normal to avoid those who make us think badly of ourselves?I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." For years this line has spelt the epitome of romance for me. Love is what you become when you are with a loved one.Remember melting into sheer gooey chocolate, being able to hear the blood sing in your veins, having your heart leap into your throat? That lightness of step and body? That thrill? The tingling of your fingernails? All this and more at just the sight of your loved one! When time seems to fly and hours become seconds? When you live for the next meeting, and, when the sound of the loved one's voice feels like drops of rain on parched desert sand!
You know you love him or her. And yet, you know you actually love the way your loved one makes you feel. After all, could you ever love a person who dislikes you, makes you feel small, or humiliates you? Why do we always love the people who make us feel we are beautiful and 10 feet tall?
And why just romance? An appreciative boss, a genuine friend, a proud parent, a doting spouse or an adoring child has a similar effect. All of them can make you feel on top of the world and ready to slay a few demons as you go on your way with a smile on your face and a skip in your step!
All of us love to love ourselves. And appreciation from those we love and admire can have a very therapeutic and rejuvenating effect. And naturally having tasted the heady feeling, we are drawn to people who make us feel in love with ourselves.
Is not the reverse just as true? We tend to dislike people who bring out the worst in us and generally avoid them. They bring out a dose of negativity in us that is best avoided. When you know someone thinks badly of you, being in their company lowers you in your own eyes. Also when you know someone is envious of you or dislikes you, being with them can only put you under a lot of stress.
Clearly there are people who bring out the best in us and those who bring out the worst. Some people in our lives can make us break into spontaneous laughter, while others can at best inspire jaw-aching artificial smiles. There are those in whose presence we absolutely relax and let our guard down and those who make us feel tense and on edge. We talk to some without thought or fear and measure every word with some others. There are those whose presence relaxes you and others who stress you out just by being with them.
There is obviously a certain chemistry at work. Reincarnation experts insist this is a connection from another life. Under hypnosis Brian Weiss and others claim to have regressed people to past lives that explain how experiences with certain souls in earlier lives can explain away certain instant likes and dislikes we form in this life.
I cannot comment on past life connects; but what we all can confirm is that there are moments in life when we instantly like or dislike someone without any clear reason. And, most of the time these instant likes and dislikes are mutual. In a scenario where both give each other positive strokes, the relationship grows steadily since a source of mutual admiration has been found. And so when you fall in love, you end up creating an illusory world for yourself where you feel exclusively loved and admired. You seek more and more of the good vibes and the attraction grows. And then when love sneaks away and admiration gives way to a reality check and some criticism, the adrenaline just doesn't pump as hard as earlier. You no longer feel as beautiful, as loved or cared for.
It is natural to love and seek people for the good they bring out in you. And so, it is equally natural to dislike and avoid them when they bring out negative emotions such as envy, jealousy, anger, aggression or hatred.
We love the people who love us and couldn't care less about those who don't. And there is nothing wrong with that. Why waste time with those who rather than help with your growth, drag you back a few steps? Any two people who really care for each other will always help each other grow.
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."
Somehow I always thought this was Elizabeth Barrett Browning on her equally famous poet-husband, Robert Browning. However, the quote it seems is from Roy Croft, a mysterious American poet, who some say didn't really exist.Legal wrangles related to such happenings were bound to emerge just like in the case of homosexuality.The court laid down four eligibility criteria for a LIR wherein a woman could exercise her maintenance rights -- couple should be of legal age to marry, qualified to enter into legal marriage, should be seen in society as being akin to spouses and should have cohabited for a long time in a shared household.It stated that, “Merely spending weekends together or a one-night stand would not make it a domestic relationship.”The judgment also noted Parliament’s use of expressions like ‘relationship in the nature of marriage’ and not ‘live-in relationship’.
It is apparent that there are grey areas that need to be addressed, perhaps more interpretations by courts and debate in Parliament, beyond reading along side the domestic violence act --- What should be the date of commencement of a LIR? Should there be a stamped paper document attested by a competent authority? How would then a LIR paper be different from marriage signatures? What about rights of children born out of LIRs, not “in the nature of marriage”?The woman is largely dominated in every sphere of life in India. Would it be possible for her to make her relationships stick to strictures laid down?At the same time there are many instances of college kids in consensual LIRs, with the option of marriage an open matter. The right to exit such a relationship should belong as much to the boy as the girl.Wouldn’t too much legalese destroy the premise of many urban couples opting for LIR – the freedom of choice, liberal existence and not be bogged down by norms and strictures.Still, it is important to recognize cultural and social context of such relationships before arriving at a definite judgment. The large numbers of vulnerable women in India makes for protection and plugging loopholesGiven that LIRs involve intimate and close interactions between two people, there is every possibility of abuse, misuse, deceit, misconceptions and violence to arise.Yet, justice for women cannot be at the expense of men, like it has happened due to misuse of the Dowry Act. Safeguards to pecuniary interests of women cannot be allowed to become a commercial venture.While legal protection and sanction of marriage perhaps cannot be extended to LIRs it is imperative to study circumstances, time-frame, premise of entering a LIR (such as promise of marriage) and financial commitments of the involved partners.In instances of heinous crimes such as rape or molestation, the voice and statements of a woman is given paramount status. A similar legal structure could perhaps be created.In the Indian milieu there are familial and societal pressures and stigmas attached to a woman speaking out against her exploitation.It is rather rare for a woman to indulge in evidence-keeping of her intimate moments with her partner to justify her position in case of a post-relationship legal intervention.Thus, if a woman feels betrayed, cheated and used like a sex object in a relationship that she considers of high emotional significance some protection needs to be extended to her by court and state.It also needs to be acknowledged that all LIRs are not comparable.For example, high profile instances of live in couples Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor and Bipasha Basu and John Abraham, who (can) openly flaunt and display their arrangement, are in contrast to LIRs in differing socio-economic strata.The financial empowerment/status, age, maturity-levels and ability to “move-on” of partners play a crucial role.There should be fair play for a botched LIR.Some legal experts have castigated the court for having got “carried away” by the use of terms such as “keep” and “one night stand” that sound derogatory and discriminatory to sense of a woman’s being, pointing to a patriarchal bias.The “eligibility” for any compensation appears crafty. It seems to have shifted the burden of being on right side of law on to the woman’s shoulders.Indeed, as the statutes stand, the only words on the board seems: “Women! Enter LIRs at your own risk!”Given recognition of homosexuality and women’s financial empowerment should not male partners in LIRs also be accommodated in a much larger definition for compensation and fair play?
Oh hell, looks like a hornet’s nest has been ruffled!