POSTED BY MUSLIMMALAYSIA786
When a Spouse Comes Out of the Closet
One Muslim marriage was dissolved every 15 minutes in 2009, according to a recent study by the Malaysian Islamic Development Department (Jakim).Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Dr Mashitah Ibrahim said the figure was rising over the years due to the couples’ lack of “religious piety”.She added that Jakim would introduce more programmes to educate the public on how to strengthen their family bonds, Sinar Harian reported.The Mars versus Venus duel often comes to the fore between the sheets.She needs lots of foreplay, while he needs to go for it straightaway. It is one of the common problems faced by couples, and if not tackled with care, this sexual incompatibility inevitably starts affecting relationships at every phase. Also termed ‘discrepant libidos’, it has been observed as the most common cause for dissatisfaction in a relationship.Reasons for incompatibilityAfter teaching one of The Smart Divorce Workshops two years ago, a participant confided that she left her marriage because her husband declared he was gay. Since that time I have heard from a number of my divorce consulting clients about the same reason contributing to their divorce. And, I have had several colleagues share variations of the same story–a husband coming home mid-day from work, only to find his wife in bed with another woman–and then, their subsequent divorce. While in all the cases the straight spouse felt alone and confused upon learning this revelation that their spouse was gay or lesbian, this situation is not as uncommon as you might think.
When a Spouse Comes Out of the ClosetWhen discussing these circumstances with my clients, their stories were not dissimilar. In some instances they were blindsided by the revelations, and astounded by the question friends would ask “How could you not know?” because there weren’t always obvious signs that their partner is struggling with his or her sexual orientation. They experienced loving, sexually fulfilling relationships.. Then there were others who had some inkling, but never really confronted it until finally a declaration of sexual orientation was admitted.
Conservative estimates indicate that roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex. When these partners come out of the closet, one-third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work–although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact.
In an effort to better understand what my clients were experiencing, I spoke with Amity Pierce Buxton Ph.D., the founder of Straight Spouse Network(SSN), whose husband declared he was gay after over 20 years of marriage. Buxton says that “a spouse’s coming out within a marriage is not an individual event. It impacts everyone in the family circle. The straight husband or wife and their children go through their own struggle to understand and accept the revealed information from their perspective. They, too, are affected by the social stigmatization and heterosexist expectations that helped influence their partners to marry.” Buxton has researched the impact of a spouse coming out on the family; her research is 
extensive and spans 24 years. She found that “disclosure and its aftermath within a family occurs in waves, starting with the act of coming out (or being discovered) after an internal struggle to acknowledge his or her sexual orientation or gender identity. Once an individual is “out”, the second wave begins, as the straight wife or husband deals with what it means. As the two spouses deal with the revelation, each from a different viewpoint, a third wave of coming-out begins when they tell their children or they find out.”
Responses to each stage varies. Some straight spouses feel that this is a nightmare. They become very confused, and can come to question the reality of the entire relationship. Some experience a sense of relief, if they had wondered what was wrong with the relationship.Buxton suggests that there are three issues that arise that need to be dealt with right away when a spouse discloses his or her sexual orientation: sexuality, the marriage, and the children. Alongside these immediate concerns, three deep crises emerge in: READMORE Shahrizat Warns Saifool mania and don’t Ape Rosmah the Husband Snatcher One Muslim marriage dissolved every 15 minutes in M’sia
POSTED BY MUSLIMMALAYSIA786
When a Spouse Comes Out of the Closet
One Muslim marriage was dissolved every 15 minutes in 2009, according to a recent study by the Malaysian Islamic Development Department (Jakim).
Deputy Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Dr Mashitah Ibrahim said the figure was rising over the years due to the couples’ lack of “religious piety”.
She added that Jakim would introduce more programmes to educate the public on how to strengthen their family bonds, Sinar Harian reported.The Mars versus Venus duel often comes to the fore between the sheets.
She needs lots of foreplay, while he needs to go for it straightaway. It is one of the common problems faced by couples, and if not tackled with care, this sexual incompatibility inevitably starts affecting relationships at every phase. Also termed ‘discrepant libidos’, it has been observed as the most common cause for dissatisfaction in a relationship.
Reasons for incompatibility
After teaching one of The Smart Divorce Workshops two years ago, a participant confided that she left her marriage because her husband declared he was gay. Since that time I have heard from a number of my divorce consulting clients about the same reason contributing to their divorce. And, I have had several colleagues share variations of the same story–a husband coming home mid-day from work, only to find his wife in bed with another woman–and then, their subsequent divorce. While in all the cases the straight spouse felt alone and confused upon learning this revelation that their spouse was gay or lesbian, this situation is not as uncommon as you might think.
When a Spouse Comes Out of the Closet
When discussing these circumstances with my clients, their stories were not dissimilar. In some instances they were blindsided by the revelations, and astounded by the question friends would ask “How could you not know?” because there weren’t always obvious signs that their partner is struggling with his or her sexual orientation. They experienced loving, sexually fulfilling relationships.. Then there were others who had some inkling, but never really confronted it until finally a declaration of sexual orientation was admitted.
Conservative estimates indicate that roughly two million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in the United States have married someone of the opposite sex. When these partners come out of the closet, one-third of these relationships break up right away, a third stay together for a year and then separate, and another third commit to making it work–although three years later, only half of this last group of relationships are still intact.
In an effort to better understand what my clients were experiencing, I spoke with Amity Pierce Buxton Ph.D., the founder of Straight Spouse Network(SSN), whose husband declared he was gay after over 20 years of marriage. Buxton says that “a spouse’s coming out within a marriage is not an individual event. It impacts everyone in the family circle. The straight husband or wife and their children go through their own struggle to understand and accept the revealed information from their perspective. They, too, are affected by the social stigmatization and heterosexist expectations that helped influence their partners to marry.” Buxton has researched the impact of a spouse coming out on the family; her research is
extensive and spans 24 years. She found that “disclosure and its aftermath within a family occurs in waves, starting with the act of coming out (or being discovered) after an internal struggle to acknowledge his or her sexual orientation or gender identity. Once an individual is “out”, the second wave begins, as the straight wife or husband deals with what it means. As the two spouses deal with the revelation, each from a different viewpoint, a third wave of coming-out begins when they tell their children or they find out.”
Responses to each stage varies. Some straight spouses feel that this is a nightmare. They become very confused, and can come to question the reality of the entire relationship. Some experience a sense of relief, if they had wondered what was wrong with the relationship.
Buxton suggests that there are three issues that arise that need to be dealt with right away when a spouse discloses his or her sexual orientation: sexuality, the marriage, and the children. Alongside these immediate concerns, three deep crises emerge in: READMORE Shahrizat Warns Saifool mania and don’t Ape Rosmah the Husband Snatcher One Muslim marriage dissolved every 15 minutes in M’sia
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