Forget your BAs, MAs and PhDs – Bribery is the criterion of qualification.
I’m a totally uneducated and useless fellow. And chances are that if you’ve nothing better to do with your time than to read this, you’re pretty uneducated and useless too. Why? Because i know that i’m not a BP, let alone an MB, or a PhB. And i’ve a pretty good hunch that, like me, you’re none of these things either. A BP is a degree, or qualification, equivalent to the old BA (Bachelor of Arts) or BSc (Bachelor of Science) or BCom (Bachelor of Commerce). Similarly, an MB is today’s equivalent of an MA (Master of Arts) or MSc (Master of Science) or MCom (Master of Commerce). And a PhB – you’ve guessed it – is the equivalent of the old PhD, or Doctor of Philosophy. What does the B stand for in BP, MB and PhB? That you have to ask shows how useless you are, along with me.
The B in BP, MB and PhB stands for Bribery. People used to put BA, or BSc, or BCom after their names to indicate that they were graduates in the Arts, Sciences, or Commerce. Today, the only degree that matters is the one issued not by a university of education but by the universality of corruption. What counts is not whether you’re a BA, or an MA, or a PhD, but whether you’re a BP, a Bribery Pass, an MB, a Master of Bribery, or a PhB, a Philosopher of Bribery, which is the highest rung on the ladder of graft.
In days gone by, if you sported a BA, or an MSc or a PhD, people knew that you were qualified in a particular academic discipline and evaluated your worth to society accordingly. A BA would look down on a mere Matric-pass, an MA look down on both, and a PhD look down on the whole jing-bang lot. Today, it’s the turn of the BPs, the MBs and the PhBs to look down on the non-BPs, the non-MBs and the non-PhBs. The acid test today is: are you qualified enough ever to have received a bribe? If not, you’re a total failure in the school of corruption, which is another word for the school of life in 21st century India.
Receipt of a bribe – no matter how small – indicates that someone, somewhere, has deemed you to be important enough to be given a ghoos in return for a favour or service which is in your power to render to the briber. Once you’ve passed the bribe test (i.e., been considered useful enough or important enough to deserve a bribe) you become a BP, a Bribery Pass. After which, you can go on to higher educational pursuits, such as becoming a Master of Bribery or even a PhB, a Philosopher of Bribery, a veritable raja of the kingdom of graft.
And that’s where I’ve turned out to be a total loss, an uneducated and useless nikamma. Very like you. Because I’ve never been considered useful and/or important enough for anyone to offer me a bribe. And I fear that you’re in the same pitiable state of disqualification. Everyone else seems to have unlimited access to the ghoos that lays the golden eggs: politicians, babus, defence personnel, judges, even the cop on the beat receiving his regular hafta from truck drivers and roadside chaiwallas. Everyone except me. And you.
Once I thought I’d made it at last, finally got my BP, my Bribery Pass. I held a mall door open for a large sethani who slipped me a two-rupee coin. My first bribe! Then I realised that it wasn’t a bribe, but a tip: I’d been mistaken for the gatekeeper employed by the mall to hold doors open for customers.
Desperate situations call for desperate remedies. I’m willing to scratch your back – or rather, your bribe – if you’ll scratch mine. You send me 10 bucks by money order and I’ll send you the same amount. Then both of us can claim to be genuine, fully paid-up BPs and claim our rightful place in society. I’ll post you your tenner, as soon as you post mine. Forget BPs; at this rate we can become instant MBAs: Masters of Bribery Acceptance. Done deal?
The experienced Barisan Nasional (BN) leadership provides cutting-edge management for continued development in Sarawak compared with the new Selangor administration which is in disarray, said Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin.
He said the Selangor Pakatan Rakyat government had failed to live up to the people’s expectations.
“We salute the people of Sarawak for their support to the BN which is striving to make the state more advanced, and as such we need continuity in the state government, which is guided by an experienced administration.
“It is no point having a new state administration if does not know how to function, like in the case of Selangor where its mentri besar (Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim)is bogged down with all sorts of problems, causing the administration to be in disarray.
“According to a survey conducted by a university recently, many civil servants are not satisfied with the Selangor administration as it has failed to meet targets and does not live up to the people’s expectations,” he said at the ground-breaking ceremony of the RM72 million Jalan Tuie-Supa-Manggut project here today.
Muhyiddin said he hoped the people of Sarawak would not be easily hoodwinked by opposition promises, which would eventually destroy the future of the state.
“Do not listen to the voices that dish out undesirable pamphlets.
After Tunisia and Egypt, can the winds of change blow across the Mediterranean Sea, bringing reforms in another troubled neighbour? Not Jordan or Syria. But Italy.
It may not be justified to compare Hosni Mubarak’s 30 years in power or Ben Ali’s 23 with Silvio Berlusconi’s rule over Italy, interrupted twice by the victory of centre-left coalitions. But many commentators, at home and abroad, have started referring to Italy’s past 20 years as Berlusconi’s reign, an epoch during which the country has been substantially transformed by the power of one man.
It may be equally un-justified to compare the causes that led to the movements in North Africa with those that may spur a people’s revolution in Italy. But, similarly to the young Tunisians and Egyptians who ignited the protests in their countries, young Italians seem to have had their future taken away by a system that frustrates innovation and change from below.
In Italy, 74 students out of 100 are the first in their families to have been to university. This is a tremendous achievement, but many of these first generation graduates cannot find jobs. In 2006, before the global financial crisis, less than 40% had a stable position one year after having completed their studies. While for their parents a degree was almost a guarantee of a job for life, it can do much less today. The market of skilled labour offers mostly internships and precarious positions. Many graduates have to renounce their qualifications to get less prestigious, but more stable, jobs in a shop or a factory.
Within this group, women have lost out the most. Italy ranks second in the European Union for women’s unemployment and has the EU’s worst gender pay gap. While the causes of this marginalization are deeply rooted in the country’s history, in the past few years the Italian media have been accused of making things worse. Not just television, which is directly or indirectly controlled by Berlusconi, but also the media that advocate for alternatives to Berlusconi and to his politics, appears to have relegated women to the roles of either mothers or soubrettes.readmore Muhyiddin 
egree of corruption the people of Sarawak be easily hoodwinked by UMNO
egree of corruption the people of Sarawak be easily hoodwinked by UMNO
No comments:
Post a Comment