Should a woman marry her rapist? women willingly takes advantage of a man's weakness

NEW DELHI:

Should a woman marry her rapist? (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

When a rapist offers to marry the victim, one would think it's the perfect solution. But isn't this victimization of the victim all over again?

You normally don't expect a girl to marry her rapist but in a recent case in West Delhi, a woman wanted to marry the guy who allegedly raped her. This is obviously not a one off case and definitely brings to limelight the existence of an insensitive society that doesn't think twice before putting a girl up for trial, once again.

This March, K G Balakrishnan, the then Chief Justice of India had said, "A woman should be allowed to have a baby out of rape and/or marry the man and drop the rape charge if she so wishes." But most don't call the step justified. Kavita, an NGO worker stresses on the point. "The girl has already been wronged once. And to add to the misery, her predator neatly escapes the consequences of the crime by simply marrying the girl. You never know if this practice catches on, rapists might resort to such techniques on any girl he fancies. This is just not done."

The rapist also takes advantage of the social stigma that no man will accept a woman who has been raped. A source from National Commission of Women reveals, "We have bailed out some small town girls in the past. We make sure that mindless community panchayat decisions are challenged. But in some cases it gets very difficult when the girl's family and the girl herself agree to marry the rapist." But the girl should be given her due, and allowed to make a free decision without having to succumb to the social attitudes.

Psychologist Seema Hingoranny agrees, "A woman should never marry her rapist. Rape is a big trauma and the victim requires intensive therapy to get out of it. Some people get married because of their insecurity and the stigma that no one will marry them. But these girls barely forgive the rapist." She goes on to add, "Also, you cannot completely ignore the psychological status of the man. Someone who can commit such a heinous crime has something incorrect in his character and such marriages can never work. It could lead to more violence. I am totally against this idea. Instead of getting her married to the rapist, family and the government should think of ways to rehabilitate her."

Some have issues with its TV potrayal too. Says an activist, "Indian television has replicated these real life incidents into reel life. What they don't understand is that this could lead to serious repurcussions. TV channels should ensure that they are not propogating the act by showing victims marrying their rapists."

The aftermarks of the incident that are so deeply etched in the girl's mind never let her get over the trauma. And the dilution of punishment for the rapist should not be tolerated!

A school cab driver accused of sexually abusing a 12-year-old girl and her two brothers for over a year and a half was assaulted by angry family members and neighbours of the children while being taken to the court Saturday.

The accused driver, Lalit Ratawal, 32, was being taken to the court by police officials when members of the victims' family slapped and beat him.

"My childrens' future is ruined. The police are not at all sympathetic and not taking any strict action against the culprits," the mother of the children told reporters.

The accused, a resident of Bapa Nagar in Karol Bagh, would take the siblings to unknown destinations where he along with his four associates, aged below 18, would rape the girl and sodomise her two brothers, aged seven and 13, police said.

Ratawal had threatened to kill the children's mother if they spoke of the ordeal to anyone. Hence, the heinous activities continued for more than a year, said a police official.

The girl told her mother a few weeks back, but the mother was scared and did not report to the police. It was only after a neighbour intervened that the police were informed.

A medical examination on the girl confirmed sexual assault, police said. Ratawal was arrested Friday, but his associates are absconding.

Agitated family members gathered at the Prasad Nagar police station near Karol Bagh in central Delhi since early morning and also pelted stones at the school van owned by Ratawal.

The accused's mother has denied the allegations against her son, saying: "No one ever complained about my son. He has not done anything wrong and is innocent. He is being framed."

The children's father had died two years ago and the family's source of income was the rent it got by letting out six rooms of the house.

A hunt has been launched to nab the four minor associates of Ratawal.

Read more: Rapist school cab driver attacked by angry kin - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/Rapist-school-cab-driver-attacked-by-angry-kin/articleshow/6579060.cms#ixzz0zv6XZTcn Sordid details began to emerge on Saturday of the serial abuse of three siblings — a 12-year-old girl and her two brothers, aged 10 and 7 — by the driver of their school van. Meanwhile, a Tis Hazari court sent the main accused, Lalit Ratawal (32), into police custody for two days. But the police were unable to explain to the court why four of the other accused, all minors, and studying in class VIII and IX of a prominent central Delhi school remained untraced.

Late on Saturday night, however, highly-placed police sources confirmed that two of the accused minors — aged 13 and 14 — have been detained for questioning. ''We might apprehend all the accused soon if the charges are proved,'' said DCP (central) Jaspal Singh.

The abused girl's neighbours and acquaintances alleged that another classmate of hers, who took the same van to school, had also been targeted. However, the investigating officer dismissed the claims. ''Merely levelling allegations is not enough. We need proof,'' he said. Police said the children, were very brutalized and traumatized.

Police said the children had gone into a shell and slipped in academic performance. The cops said there were two reasons why Ratawal could successfully exploit the children — one, they had no father and hence no "strong" guardian to monitor their movements, and two, the three children were the last to get off the van while returning home.

According to the police, the entire chain of injecting drugs, molestation, rape, sodomy and even incest — began after the children's father passed away two years ago. The family, with only limited means of income through rent collection, strived for better education and trusted Ratawal — who had been dropping children to school for the past 12 years.

Ratawal though, going by the mother's account, soon began unfolding his designs. "It all started when my daughter was asked to sit at the front. He began touching her, and when the shocked girl could not protest, he offered a sedative-laced chocolate to her one-and-half years ago. My daughter lost consciousness. She woke up in a house located near Guru Nanak Market in Karol Bagh, along with a senior student who travelled in the same van. Lalit showed her an MMS of her and then raped her. He asked her to keep quiet, threatening that otherwise he would put her pornographic photos on the Net. Then he began abusing my daughter by blackmailing and threatening her," said the victims' mother.

After recording her statement in a local court, the victim told reporters that it was after her mother received a vulgar SMS on her mobile that she began to smell something wrong. "When I told uncle (Lalit) that my mother was angry with the message, he gave me a bottle of poison and asked me to mix it with my mother's food. I destroyed it," alleged the girl.

DCP (Central) Jaspal Singh said the two boys too were forced to have unnatural sex. As Subhas Naagar, who helped the victims lodge a case pointed out, the boys were threatened and even paid to keep silent. "They were drugged and even injected. Most of the victimisation took place when they were conscious or semi-conscious."

The seven-year-old brother of the girl has said he was paid Rs 100 after being abused to "buy whatever he wanted". The mother did speak of the children being forced into incest, but the police denied the claims. "So far, we have also not recovered any videos from the accused's mobile phones. Neither have we come across any new complaint from any other girl travelling in that van. Preliminary probe points to forced drug abuse by the accused," said DCP Singh.

The police are not ruling out active participation of the accused minors. "The girl has alleged that Lalit would pick up the children up from their house and take them to the house of a Class 9 student of the same school. The boy's parents would be out as they are teachers and his friends were present with him," said the investigating officer.

"The girl was put in another school but it took the mother much longer to understand her real troubles. It was 25 days ago that the youngest son told her about their ordeal. When she confronted Lalit, he allegedly threatened her and said he would make the videos public," said an officer.

The police have registered a case under IPC section 376 (Rape), 377 (unnatural sex) and 506 (criminal intimidation). "We have sent the girl to Lady Hardinge for a medical test and rape was confirmed. The boys were sent to Kalavati Hospital and we are waiting for the CFSL report," said the DCP.

Read more: Lalit Ratawal may have grabbed headlines for serially abusing the three siblings, but his misdeeds have not come as a shock for residents of Padam Road, where the accused grew up and stayed till his arrest on Friday.

Owner of two school vans, Ratawal entered this business after he graduated from a reputed DU college. He has three brothers and a sister but his lifestyle and behaviour allegedly forced them to leave their ancestral house on Padam Road and settle down in Rajasthan.

His father, a painter, lives in Rajasthan. According to sources, Lalit had shocked everyone in the neighbourhood when he suddenly married a girl eight years younger.

The girl, allegedly was a student who commuted to school in his van. However, the marriage lasted for only two months after his wife allegedly found out about his "other relationships," claimed Sitangshu Singh, a neighbour. They got divorced soon after. Singh further alleged that Ratawal was having a physical problem and that was making him aggressive.

Neighbours alleged Ratawal had a string of affairs with women, including one of his own relatives, a charge his mother, Meera, vehemently denied. "My son passed out of college but when he failed to get a job, he bought a van and began ferrying schoolchildren. He has been doing his work diligently and we have never heard of anything bad about him," she said.

At the Tis Hazari courts, too, Ratawal told TOI that he was innocent. "I am being framed by the mother and daughter," he claimed. The police said Lalit knew the family even before the children's father died. "He took good advantage of his proximity to the children," said DCP (central) Jaspal Singh. Sources said Ratawal had allegedly told the police that he could do anything with the children as shared "more than a driver's relationship

with them".

Lalit had also claimed that another neighbour, Saima (name changed on request), who had stopped her children from going in his van, had a dubious character. But Saima said: "We have received complaints that he often tried to become cosy with the children and touched them at inappropriate places. We had even warned him."

Meera, the victim's mother, however, blamed Lalit's estranged wife for the "mess". "My son is being framed. If he had been involved in such a thing for so many months, why didn't the girls not complain to the cops before?" she asked.

A category of women willingly takes advantage of a man's weakness for the female anatomy, seeing nothing wrong with using their sexuality as bait...

Sizing her up, are you? Ah ha, and you think she doesn't have any idea what you are up to? Think again. For, she knows. A woman has eyes at the back of her head when it comes to a man looking at her in a particular manner. Her antenna starts beeping and she reacts or responds, depending on how she feels about you!

So knock those eyeballs back in and roll your lolling tongue right back. For, she could be having a good laugh at your expense. And, the woman who is with you? She certainly knows what you are up to as well and is just waiting for you to turn and look her way. Seen the new Anne French ad? A guy swivels around to look at a pair of silky smooth legs that walk into a restaurant. His eyes follow the legs as they are crossed sensuously, one on top of the other. As he turns back to his female companion, he is greeted with a resounding slap. Camera pans to Kareena; she winks at the girl, who winks back, and they exchange a smile. Kareena looks into the camera and says, "Breakup karwana ho ya gorgeous skin paana ho, naya…..Anne French Roll. Life is on a roll!

An apt representation of reality. The only one who's left feeling the fool is the man now alone at the table. The women have conspired, taken advantage of his natural male weakness and played a trick on him. And, why not? If you go around begging for it, anyone would take advantage. If you show your interest so blatantly, you are bound to be taken for a ride!

If men have been accused of sexual harassment at the workplace, women have their own brand of harassment which uses their own sexuality as their most potent weapon. This is "the raunch culture" that Ariel Levy blasts in her book Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the rise of Raunch Culture. She blames present American culture squarely for encouraging women to objectify themselves, because of which young girls believe they have to be "the hottest" and "the sexiest" rather than "the most accomplished".

"If Male Chauvinist Pigs were men who regarded women as pieces of meat, we would outdo them and be Female Chauvinist Pigs: women who make sex objects of other women and of ourselves," says Ariel, dripping sarcasm in her book. In doing so women seem to strangely imagine they are furthering the cause of Feminism. In reducing the amount of clothing we wear, in piercing our navels and whatever else, and in exposing cleavages and thongs, we imagine we are exhibiting the freedom of choice and spirit of independence. As if in the display of skin and the stupefying effect it seems to have on men, we are empowered.

And men seem not to understand the game in which they are led by the …er…nose, willingly enough.

If the boss is lascivious, there is a certain kind of girl who will take full advantage of his weakness and think nothing of exploiting it. She will string him along, flutter her eyelashes, smile enchantingly and give him wet dreams for a long, long time. She may even throw in some suggestive jokes on the cellphone or a naughty message just as he gets ready for bed at night. And not just the lascivious ones, even men who are obviously in awe of pretty young things and all but pant at their sight, are likely to be led down the garden path by a girl skilled enough at the art, with no compunction.

The middle-aged Indian male is a sitting duck for the Lipstick Feminists who think nothing of using their sexuality as bait and consider sexual allure as synonymous with women empowerment. So make no mistake. When she leans over to hand you the papers, she knows exactly where your eyes are straying and staying stuck. When she bends to pick up the papers that have slipped to the floor, she knows you are trying to decipher the tattooed words just above her butt cleavage or admiring the colour of her thong. And when she is explaining the intricacies of her labour on the project you gave her, she knows as you stroke your chin thoughtfully, you are more focused on the images playing out in your mind rather than her words!

Despite your words of encouragement and lavish praise, she knows it's not her work that inspires those words of admiration, but your hope of what else she may be willing to do for you. The younger the girl, the more the older boss is flattered by her attentions. And if she knows this, why then would she not take advantage of the guy's slippery morality to further her own cause? She may or may not give you what you want but she will certainly string you along and milk you for what it's worth!

As women shed clothes and inhibitions, Ariel complains in her book, "Spectacles of naked ladies have moved from seedy side streets to center-stage, where everyone -men and women - can watch them in broad daylight. Playboy and its ilk are being 'embraced by young women in a curious way in a post-feminist world', to borrow the words of Hugh Hefner."

However, much as all men are not predators, all women out there are not using their sexuality to lure men either. Most of us, men as well as women, just do our own thing....